I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just found puke in my bra..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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