90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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