He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
