Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
