Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
