now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
