I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
