I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
