This girl is more easily done than said...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I did not marry a roomba.
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