You just made me feel so damn special
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
