Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
