Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
