Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
