i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
