Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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