Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
