I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
