it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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