Please, let me fuck your mom
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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