I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
