you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
pray to the hookup gods
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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