holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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