I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
