so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
