Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
