Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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