I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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