I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
