I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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