Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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