So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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