How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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