I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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