OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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