...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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