Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
