Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I touched a dick in church today
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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