Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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