I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
