I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
