I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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