Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
