is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
