I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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