He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
