I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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