Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
