i need an iv and a liver transplant
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What drink are we having for lunch?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
