can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
