i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
