i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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