He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
