Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
