Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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