She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
