so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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