it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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