i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
